Family is where the heart is

I was not an easy child to handle, orang ckp, middle child selalu macam tu. From birth, Ma had a tough time with me since I was a colic baby for the first 3 months. Then, the following year...she had my brother who obviously took away most of Ma's attention on me since this lil creature (my bro that is) just started his life & I'm already a year older...so haruslah I jadi mangsa & succumbed to this unwanted situation...like I have a choice right? *Eh, marah nampak? Hahaha, No, no...I'm not, I love my bro to bits, how can I? Dah rezeki Ma nak dpt anak + me to get a bro, so why should I?

So let's continue. I grew up & my time was spent mostly with my maid. At times, well I do up til now consider my maid as my mom...well, 2nd mom lah more appropriate. Due to lack of attention & of cos the temptation the outside world is offering (hey, I'm a curious child, so it's only natural for me to explore)...I became quite a difficult person. I like to go out a lot cos my parents hardly have the time to take us out. I don't blame Ma & Pa for not having the time for us. They're working extra hard to make sure that my siblings & I get the best out of what they can afford. Afterall, they're just govt servants & to raise 7 of us...that cost quite an amount.

Back then, I absolutely hate going to any family events / meeting up with my cousins since most of them are brainy & sah2xlah I'll be compared to them. I also have to listen to some "pedas" remarks that never failed to make my telinga berasap from my aunties & uncles about being different (since I don't wear tudung like most of them) / criticism on how I should study more, get good grades. It was just too much for me, so since I don't like it...I will try to avoid it as much as I can. My friends was more like a family to me, they're cooler anyway cos they listens to me + they never judge me. As long as we know how to have fun together, everything else does not matter. At that time I felt like, who needs a family when you have friends?

I started to see the importance of being with my family more when my grandfather passed away. But, that was not really an eye-opener for me...it was in a little way only. Soon after, I broke up with my first serious boyfriend...errr, serious ke? No lah, not that serious but he was my first love. That, really changed me. Not only it changed how I see things, it also showed me who my real friends are. Kawan untuk keluar, hu-ha (as what Ma always say), having fun...memanglah ramai, but quality friends...when I was down, when I needed them the most, they're just not there. One thing's for sure...my family is always around. Not that they know what's actually going on / I share with them my problem, but the fact that they're always around...it helps...hmm subtly?

Now that I'm a mom, I can more or less understand the heartache that I've put my parents through. But please, I was not a wild child ok...yg tak tahu baik buruk / halal haram, I was not all that bad. I do have my own principles & boundaries. Like I said, I was more like a curious child...always wanna go out & explore the outside world. I couldn't thank my parents enough for giving me the fundamentals, hantar pegi sekolah agama (1/2 day after school) belajar mengaji...tajwid, tauhid. I believe no matter how modern / liberal you are, this is highly important so that you won't lose track & in any sticky situation, you will always remember to go back to the religion rather than drinking / partying. I'm also lucky that my parents has never force me to wear tudung & give me + siblings the freedom to choose our own path. Though my mom has sort of turned into a new leaf after attending so many agama classes, everything we do...she'll relate to religion now or...she'll comment on our fb with some religious quote but not even once she ask me to wear tudung. Once in a while tanya tu adalah, as usual...she's being a concern mom, kenapa anak dia yg sorang ni up til now tak dpt2x lagi hidayah utk bertudung? Tunggu ye Ma, insya'allah...one day. I have promised myself, not until I'm fully ready...when I'm satisfied with my amalan, I'm confident the Almighty will show me the way, sooner or later, Amin : )

I'm truly blessed to have a wonderful parents & awesome siblings. I wouldn't know how my life would be w/out any of them. No matter how far we are...like my eldest sister who is now settled in a far far away land living in a huge mansion in Kuantan, ok...ok...it's not that far, saja over (sorry Kaklong), we are always there for 1 another. I definitely breathe & live my family : ) *am all tears now...

*happy bunch*